change is hard.

So, I watched The Last Song.

HORRIBLE choice on my part. No one really reads this thing anyways. I will spoil it.
Long story short, A daughter and son spend the summer with their father.... Daughter doesn't really spend time with father, mostly fights with dad, Come to find out.. Dad has cancer.


So, My dad has cancer, and we never talk. I haven't in 2 years. Everytime we speak its awkward, and, I'm not being rude, but my dad wasn't a good father at all. I usually make jokes about him, calling my child support card my "daddy wasn't there" card. I act like it doesn't bother me but it does. I wish I had a normal family, I wish I were close to my real parents. It hurts so much.

I know the reason I can never commit to things is the fact he left when I was younger. I'm afraid to get close to people... Because if I do, They might leave, just like my dad did. So if anyone backs away from me, or distances themselves from me, I just bother them and bother them.. In hopes they won't leave.

Its how I work.



I hope one day I'll be able to commit to things.